Not Everybody Pays

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every now and then, a $50 bill fell out onto the footpath.

Noticing this, a cop stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $50 bills falling Out of that bag.”

“Oh, rats! Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer..”

“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop. “Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my yard is right next to the baseball stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through a hole in the fence, right into my garden. It used to really annoy me and kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, ‘why not make the most of it?’ So, now, on game days, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my shears. Every time some guy sticks his dingus through my fence, I surprise him, Grab hold of it and say, ‘O.K., buddy! Give me $50, or I cut off your johnson!”

“Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing. “OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”

“Well, you know”, said the little old lady, “not everybody pays”

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By the Balls

A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it’s a lot of money. They finally get her into the president’s office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, “I make bets.” The president replies, “Bets? What kind of bets?” and she says, “For example, I’ll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square.” “Ha!” says the president, “That’s a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet.” The old lady says, “So, would you like to take my bet?” “Sure,” says the president, “I’ll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!” The little old lady says, “OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with ...

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